How To Spot Mr Wrong

It might take you numerous Mr Wrongs to meet Mr Right, but how do you know who are the wrong ones? Here are the ones you can afford to steer clear of, according to psychologist and life coach Miriam Henke.

The Jealous Guy
Jealousy is one of the nastiest human emotions that can quickly corrode a relationship. Partners who have been taken over by the green-eyed monster often try to manipulate and control their significant other. This is exactly what happened to Natalie, 28. When she met her ex-husband, he seemed like a nice guy, but it wasn’t long before his envious nature reared its ugly head. He began dictating her friendships and even her wardrobe. “As time went on, he got more jealous, cut me off from my friends and would get aggressive if men spoke to me,” Natalie says. “I wasn’t allowed to wear certain clothes or colours. It ended up being very scary and I was a shadow of the woman I was when I married him. All my friends and family say that when I finally left him, I became myself again.”

“It’s never OK to be controlled by your partner. The jealous guy’s tactics are just another form of emotional abuse,” Miriam explains. She says this type of person can be hard to spot as his true colours aren’t initially revealed. So, going by Miriam’s advice, the biggest warning signs to keep your eye out for is if he feels threatened by your interaction with other people, obsessively questions where you’ve been and tries to control who you see.

The Lad
If he always has time for the boys, but is missing in action when it comes to romantic Sunday brunches, you might have a “lad” on your hands. Jo, 26, soon realised her ex prioritised clubbing with his pals over hanging with her. “Every Friday night, he would be out with them, whereas I saw him twice during the week and on Sundays, when he’d be half asleep from the night before,” says Jo. “I felt like I was always last in the relationship.”

“The ‘lad’ is at ease with men, so hanging out with his friends is where he spends most of his free time,” says Miriam. “It will be a temptation for many women to change their man by encouraging him away from his mates, but unless he comes willingly, expect only arguments and resentment.” She suggests, if possible, to become part of his social circle. If joining isn’t an option, it might be time to cut your losses and leave. “If you don’t find it easy to get on with his mates, you face an uphill battle.”

The Critic
This is the guy who never learnt the wisdom of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Instead, he points out your flaws and all of his criticisms will lead any woman dating him to feel like her self-esteem is under assault. Grace*, 22, broke it off with her boyfriend after his comments actually left her feeling worthless. “He would make underhanded compliments like, ‘That dress is pretty; it would look better if you were skinnier.’ He’d call me stupid if I didn’t understand what he was talking about. He would call me ugly and say he was the best I could do.” Thankfully, her best friend and her mum intervened, and Grace got out of there. Constantly putting someone down can be considered a form of abuse and should not be tolerated. Ever. “If this guy is regularly putting you down and makes you feel bad about yourself, that’s emotional abuse,” Miriam confirms. “By lowering your self-esteem, this guy feels more powerful.” So, if you find yourself in this situation, Miriam advises that you speak to him and try to sort out the issue. “Stand up for yourself and let him know you will not tolerate emotional abuse. If he does it again, walk away.”

THE GYM JUNKIE
Wanting to be healthy is a positive thing, but it can sometimes be taken too far, as Leanne, 27, found out when her ex-boyfriend became obsessed with CrossFit. “He was spending more and more time at the gym, finessing his craft,” she remembers. “He would also be so strict with his bedtimes that sex had to fit into these times. Gone was the spontaneity we used to have.”

While the amazing abs and undeniably buff biceps may hold attraction, there are downsides to being with a gym fanatic. “Exercise and good nutrition is one thing, but having an addiction to the gym is another,” Miriam says. “The gym junkie might look good, but he’s obsessed with himself and doesn’t leave room for you. Unless you’re happy to be low on someone’s priority list, avoid this type at all costs.”

The Addict
Whether it’s alcohol or drugs, dating an addict means major relationship trouble as they need professional help. Unfortunately, Lauren*, 23, found out the hard way after discovering the guy she’d been dating was an addict. “I suspected he’d had experience with drugs, but it wasn’t until I found his [stash] that I realised how deep into it he was,” she says. “At first, he was such great company, but [then] he’d get moody, paranoid and prone to scary outbursts.”

The easiest way to recognise an addict is that their alcohol- or drug-taking behaviour will cause problems in their life, impacting work, family and friends. Don’t think your love is enough to change them, as  they’re dealing with a serious illness. “Addictions are difficult to treat, even by trained professionals,” says Miriam. “It’s better to not ignore the warning signs, as too many women try to ‘fix’ or ‘heal’ an addict and only cause themselves a lot of heartache.”

So, you may come across (a few) guys who fit these categories, but there are still plenty of awesome ones out there. You’ve just got to spot them

Sexy Wounded War Veterans Show They’re Confident Enough To Be Hot Calendar Models

 Michael Stokes, a fine arts photographer in California, takes a bold new approach to veteran portrait photography by taking powerful and sexually charged calendar-style photos of confident veterans posing proudly with their amputated body parts and prosthetics.

The project began with Alex Minsky, a U.S. Marine whose leg was amputated after suffering a roadside bomb in Afghanistan in 2009. After Minsky set the tone for a confident and proud photoshoot as opposed to a somber one, other veterans began to sign up, leading to a book by Stokes called “Always Loyal.”

“Some people will say to me ‘Oh, this is really helpful to their self-esteem,’ or, ‘You’re making them feel like men again,’” Stokes told MTV. “These guys have come to me very healed and ready to take the world on. I’m not giving them back their confidence. They already have it.”

“I’m not giving them back their confidence. They already have it”

Japanese Women Are Falling Hard for a “Handsome” Gorilla Named Shabani

By Sumitra on July 13th, 2015 Category: Animals

Meet Shabani, a handsome male gorilla that has managed to steal the hearts of young women all over Japan. He is fondly known as ‘ikimen’, a Japanese term for ‘good-looking man’, and some have even hailed him as the animal-world equivalent of George Clooney or Hugh Jackman!

Shabani, who grew up in an Australian zoo, has been living at Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Nagoya, Japan, since 2007. The western lowland gorilla is blessed with a shiny black coat and a macho brooding expression that make him very photogenic. In fact, his photos have gone viral on Twitter, where fans have shared them thousands of times over with comments like: “he’s too handsome!”

According to BBC News, it’s the gorilla’s sensitive eyes that have captured the imagination of women all over Japan. Gorrillas are usually associated with “chest-thumping ferocity,” but Shabani is different. Women consider him to be not only ikimen, but also ‘ikumen’ – ‘a hands-on dad who looks after his children’. Shabani is like a dream-come-true for many busy working mothers in Japan, and he’s shaping up to be the perfect role model for Japanese men who are interested in impressing women!

Believe it or not most of the photos of Shabani posted on social media sites are tagged ‘hot’ or ‘handsome’. “I went to Higashiyama Zoo. This hot Shabani ikemen was certainly handsome,” one woman tweeted. “Shabani who is in Higashiyama Zoo is famous as the too handsome gorilla!” read a caption under one of his photographs.

Shabani is blissfully unaware of his massive Twitter following but senior zookeeper Allan Schmidt says that he’s used to having his pictures taken all the time. Just after he moved to Nagoya, he was photographed walking along a tightrope inside the zoo enclosure. Since then, he has always enjoyed the limelight.

Schmidt added that Shabani’s success doesn’t surprise him, because of the environment in which he grew up. Born in The Netherlands, he moved to Australia when he was a baby, where he lived with “a very stable father and mother.” As an adult, Shabani was moved to Japan to mate with three female gorillas, and has fathered two healthy male offspring.
Another reason for Shabani’s massive popularity, as Schmidt points out, is because “the Japanese are crazy, the Japanese love their fads.” He added that most people consider the 18-year-old gorilla to be fairly dashing. Indeed, his photographs do carry a certain quality, as though he’s quite aware of the camera. No matter what he’s doing – flexing his muscles, playing with younger gorillas, or simply staring into the distance, his sensitive eyes always seem to ooze with sex appeal.

Nairobi Westgate mall attack: Shopping centre re-opens two years after terror siege where al-Shabaab killed 67 people

via Catrina Stewart

However, many are critical of the decision to resume business while so much remains unknown about the atrocity

The bullet holes are plastered over, the shattered glass restored. Two years after terror struck at Westgate in Nairobi, the upscale shopping mall is set to reopen amid many unanswered questions over what happened during the four-day siege.

Once a symbol of Kenya’s aspirational middle-class, Westgate has come to represent President Uhuru Kenyatta’s failure to combat a growing Islamist terror threat on its own soil. As city officials toured the site of one of Kenya’s worst terror attacks, where Somalia’s al-Shabaab slaughtered at least 67 people as they dined and shopped, it was easy to forget the grisly events that happened here.

Workmen were putting the finishing touches to many of the original shops and restaurants, while the flagship Nakumatt superstore, where shoppers cowered behind shelves as the gunmen picked them off, is bigger than ever.

The Westgate Mall will re-open on Saturday, nearly two years after the attack (Getty)
But as the shopping centre prepares to welcome its first shoppers on Saturday, some are critical of the decision to resume business while so much remains unknown – and in the absence of an inquiry promised by the Kenyan President. “By rebuilding the mall, we are covering over everything that we don’t know,” said Patrick Gathara, a satirical cartoonist for Kenya’s Daily Nation newspaper. “It’s a symbol of our continued and deliberate ignorance.”

Ahead of US President Barack Obama’s visit to Kenya later this month, the message from the government, however, was one of defiance. Nairobi Governor Evans Kidero paid tribute to Kenyans’ “indomitable spirit.”

“I say to Nairobians: let’s turn out on Saturday,” he told reporters outside the mall. “Kenya is safer than ever. If it wasn’t, Obama wouldn’t be coming.”

It was just before lunchtime on a Saturday when at least four gunmen overran unarmed security guards at the mall’s entrance in September 2013. Josephine Mutungi, who owned a small music stall on the second floor, initially thought it was a robbery, a delusion quickly shattered when gunmen with scarves wrapped around their heads, cigarettes in their hand, fired at the windows of the store where she was hiding. The glass remained intact.

People are seen taking cover behind a counter at the Westgate shopping mall during the 2013 siege (EPA)
The handling of the siege quickly descended into recriminations after reports of bungling by the security forces, conflicting accounts over the death toll and widespread looting of shops by Kenyan soldiers and police. President Kenyatta, whose nephew died in the attack, assured Kenyans of an inquiry, but an investigation into what happened during those four days has never taken place.

Kenyans watched the tragedy unfold on their television screens with growing dismay as officials issued increasingly bizarre statements suggesting they had taken control of the mall, when in fact they had not, and passing off a massive explosion staged by the military as burning mattresses.

An early failure to establish who was in charge of the operation led to the “friendly fire” killing of a police commander, allowing the terrorists to regroup.The hashtag, “we are one,” that symbolised Kenyan unity, quickly changed to “we are wondering.” Within days of the end of the siege, store owners returned to find looted shops. The blame quickly fell on security forces after CCTV footage emerged showing soldiers walking out of Nakumatt with bags of goods. The death toll also remains in dispute, the Kenyan Red Cross says several people reported missing were unaccounted for weeks after the attack. Witnesses also reported attackers slipping out of the mall in the confusion, contradicting the official narrative that they were all killed.

A supermarket worker stock shelves in the Westgate Mall, prior to it being re-opened to the public (AP)
With much still in question, the reopening of Westgate has been an oddly muted affair.

Ms Mutungi, the music shop owner, said she had little desire to return but Nakumatt, where she is a tenant, has taken her wares back to the mall. “We are still waiting for answers,” she said. “I’m more disappointed that they didn’t investigate the looting.” In an odd twist, a man she thought was an off-duty policeman came to one of her music stores trying to sell her a saxophone that had been taken from her Westgate stall. Others argue, though, that Kenyans must look forward. “It’s like if a member of our family dies. It doesn’t mean that we stop,” said Saira Karim, manager of the ground-floor Diamond Watch store. “We move on.”

Since Westgate, terror attacks have become a feature of Kenyan life. Al-Shabaab has sworn to wage jihad on the East African nation as long as its troops remain part of an African Union force in Somalia that has pushed the group out of key towns.

In the worst attack since the 1998 US embassy bombings in Nairobi, al-Shabaab killed at least 148 people, mainly students, at a university in northern Kenya in April.

Deteriorating security has persuaded Britain to join a string of countries advising its nationals against travel to large swathes of Kenya’s coast. Dozens of hotels have closed down, and tens of thousands of people have lost their jobs, ravaging the tourist industry. The government has responded by targeting Somalia and, more widely, Muslim communities, an approach criticised by security experts and rights groups.

Russian Man Claims His Skin Has Become Darker after Liver Transplant from African-American Donor

By Sumitra on July 13th, 2015 Category: News

 A Russian man has surprised the medical community by claiming that a liver transplant from an African-American donor has made his skin darker!

It all started when 65-year-old Semen Gendler, an inventor from Krasnodar, was diagnosed with hepatitis C and cancer. He was told that his only hope of survival was a liver transplant, so he decided to fly to the United States for the procedure. “Doctors made it quite clear to me that if I didn’t have a liver transplant I would not live,” Gendler revealed.

“I do a lot of business in the US with partners in New York, and I asked him to help me arrange for the operation where if you have enough money it is possible to do it more quickly than in Russia,” he added. “Fortunately, I was able to afford the cost of the $500,000 operation. In Russia, I would have had to wait too long for a donor.” During the course of the operation, Gendler received the liver of a 38-year-old African-American man. He says that the transplant has saved his life, but then his friends and family began to notice something odd. As he recovered from his illness, his skin was turning darker.

Photo: Semen Gendler

“I noticed that his skin was getting darker,” said Igor Atamanenko, Gendler’s former work colleague. “When he told me they had given him the liver of an African-American man, I guess that was probably the reason for the color change. I have known my friend for years and he has always been, if anything, extremely pale. And now, for the first time ever, he is becoming dark skinned.”

Gendler ruled out the possibility of a tan – he’s always avoided going out in the sun, and now more than ever, after doctors warned him that it could cause his cancer to return. The guy also claims that doctors in the USA confirmed that his darkening skin is directly related to the liver transplant, adding that there have been cases in which Caucasian people turned into African-Americans after similar transplants.

But his new skin color isn’t really bothering him at all. “I could end up much darker than this to be honest, and I don’t care. The main thing is that the liver works and I am healthy. It’s incredible, I am now so full of energy and living between two cities – in New York and Krasnodar – and if my skin ends up dark, who cares? I certainly don’t.”

Somehow this is just too crazy to believe, even for me. There is no real evidence of his claims other that the photos above, and the bit about what the American doctors told him sound pretty shady… We’ll just have to wait and see if Gendler becomes black.

Scottish Waiters Stop Wearing Kilts Due to Constant Groping by Women

By Sumitra 

Fed up of with being constantly groped by women, the waiters of Scottish pub ‘Hootananny’, in Inveness, have decided to stop wearing their kilts. That’s a pretty big deal, since Hootananny staff have been wearing tartan to match the traditional Scottish atmosphere, ever since the place opened. But now the guys say that they’re being sexually harassed by female revelers who lift up their kilts to check if they are true Scotsmen!

According to Hootananny assistant manager Iain Howie, the harassment usually occurs during the weekends when the pub is at its busiest. “You get large groups of drinking women circling around when you are collecting glasses and asking whether you are a true Scotsman,” he said. “And they find out for themselves.”

“The first few times it’s funny,” he added. “But when it is really busy and everyone has to work fast and hard, and your hands are full of glasses, you feel quite vulnerable. You are thinking, ‘are you going to get broken glasses, or is your kilt going to get lifted up again?’ They see it as a bit of fun, but it is a bit of an embarrassment.”

Photo: Hootananny/Twitter

Hootananny founder Kit Fraser has taken his staff’s side on the issue, describing it as ‘pure sexism’. “It may seem funny but it is serious, too – the women are sticking their hands up their kilts. Can you imagine if I went into a restaurant and stuck my hand up a girl’s skirt? I would be taken to the police station and rightly so.”

“I look after my customers but equally important are my staff,” he added. “I am not forcing them to do something they don’t want to do. We fellows are very, very aware of sexism. I think the women need to catch up.”

Photo: UK Beach Guide

The staff’s decision to stop wearing kilts is being supported by several organisations and individuals. Scottish Licensed Trade Association representative Ramsay McGhee said that no employee of either sex should have to tolerate such kind of harassment at work. “It seems these guys have found a pragmatic and commonsense solution to an irritating problem,” he said. “It is a shame – wearing a kilt in a place like Hootananny adds to the whole character and atmosphere.”

Everyone thinks it is a bit of fun but it depends on how it is done,” added Cameron Ross, who conducts walking tours of Inverness city. “If you are stuck in a crowded pub, it could be very difficult. I can see their point of view. If you don’t want attention, you should not have to put up with it.”

Photo: Twitter

“Everybody in Scotland should have the right to work without fear of harassment and it is important management in all working environments do what they can to ensure this happens,” a government spokesperson said.

It does seem rather unfair and unfortunate that men receive such treatment at their own workplace, and also quite sad that they won’t be wearing their kilts – a national Scottish tradition – anymore. Apparently, sexism goes both ways.

via Telegraph.co.uk

Homosexuality: It’s Time We Reconcile Our Beliefs with Scientific Evidence and 21st

Fathima Imra Nazeer

Writer, scientist, mom

www.twitter.com/FathImraNazeer

The supreme court ruling on gay marriage here in the United States has caused a stir not just among conservatives and religious fanatics here but in many parts of the Muslim world as well.

It is a good thing we are discussing a topic rarely brought up in Muslim communities.

Many with same-sex preferences in our communities are forced into heterosexual relationships or treated as outcasts and sometimes even driven to suicide, because we have trouble accepting homosexuality.

Let’s consider some of the complaints.

1. “Homosexuality is a Western fad, there is no such thing in Muslim societies. It is a despicable lifestyle choice”

It is common knowledge that those with homosexual preferences have been part of societies through much of recorded history. Surely, those of us who believe in the story of Lot, as described in the Quran and the Bible don’t believe that the people of Lot were following a ‘Western fad’ all those years ago? Considering the numerous Hadith on dealing with homosexuals and their behavior , we can safely assume that homosexuality was not something unheard of among Arabs during the time of the prophet as well.

It is a shame that in the 21st century we stigmatize homosexuality calling it a ‘despicable lifestyle choice’ and treat it as if it is a disease to be cured, based on myths in ancient texts, when plenty of scientific evidence suggests that sexual orientation is just another genetic trait.

It really is not that complicated. Several studies over the past 20 years have identified certain common differences in specific regions of the human genome that can account for a homosexual orientation. This is similar to how various differences in other areas of our genomes account for the variations we observe in traits such as skin color and height. Now even though environmental factors may influence these traits to a certain extent, we accept that these traits are by and large determined genetically, and find abhorrent the idea of people being discriminated against based on inherent traits like these. How is it then acceptable to marginalize homosexuals claiming that homosexuality is a ‘despicable lifestyle choice’ and urge them to change their behavior?

2. “We can’t trust these studies on homosexuality. Scientists are constantly changing their position on these things.”

Scientists simply try to explain the natural world through evidence gained from observations and experiments. As knowledge accrues and technology improves over time, we are able to gain better evidence and with that a more nuanced understanding of the phenomena we study. So it’s common to re-evaluate previous findings and either strengthen or abandon the original conclusions based on follow up studies. This is all part of the scientific process.

In the case of studies regarding homosexuality, there has been persisting evidence of a genetic link with several follow up studies strengthening and building upon the conclusions of the original study.

Disregarding the well-established scientific evidence and choosing to believe in ancient myths won’t do our communities any good.

Imagine if we chose to rely on the medicine prescribed by the prophet, like black cumin (which according to some Hadith is a cure for all ailments) rather than modern medicine to treat various disease, because treatment options are constantly being re-evaluated? So why rely on ancient texts rather than modern science when we consider our positions on social issues?

3. “We can’t accept homosexual relationships. We’d have to accept pedophiles abusing children next. Why must gay couples have the right to marry? They can continue their affairs in private if they want to. Surely, they can’t have children ‘naturally’, let alone raise them right.”

A romantic relationship between two consenting adults is not even remotely comparable to the sexual abuse of a minor. Homosexual relationships don’t infringe upon the rights of those involved the way child abuse by a pedophile does. It is inconceivable how acceptance of the former can lead to the latter.

It is only fair that we extend the rights and privileges that come with marriage to consenting adults seeking to have their love and commitment recognized by law, regardless of their sexual orientation. We certainly don’t limit heterosexual marriages to only those capable of producing biological offspring together or those who plan on raising children, so why should it be a consideration when it comes to homosexual marriages?

In any case, homosexual couples have been raising kids in Western societies for awhile now and kids raised by homosexual parents seem to be as happy and healthy as kids raised by heterosexual parents.

4.”It is unfair that we are called backward for simply upholding our religious beliefs and obligations”

A majority of us support the application of Sharia based laws, and many Muslim majority countries have adopted aspects of Sharia (derived from the Quran and Hadith), for instance the generally accepted Sharia punishments, death in the case of sodomy, and flogging or stoning in the case of adultery into their penal codes. Since marriage is clearly not an option for homosexuals in these societies, they can easily be charged with either ‘crime’.

Is it not backward to support a legal system that includes flogging, stoning and death as forms of punishment for acting upon one’s sexual preferences, in the 21st century? More often than not, we find these punishments as unconscionable as anyone else, yet we make excuses and defend these practices in the name of religion. All this talk of hating the ‘sin’ and not the ‘sinner’ rings rather hollow when we don’t speak out against these laws and do nothing to repeal them. With too many of us reluctant to speak out, things have been moving backward since the 1970’s, with a steady increase in the number of Muslim majority countries integrating Sharia into their penal codes, Brunei being the latest example.

It’s true some of us have chosen to disregard classical interpretations of the Quran and Hadith and have re-interpreted these texts so they are in line with the times and our own sense of fairness. Still, too many of us have been indoctrinated with religious concepts against homosexuality along with notions that the Quran, Sharia and the prophet’s example are all perfect and consider it a religious obligation to maintain these notions.

Unless enough of us speak up and challenge these notions, governments will continue to stone people, in accordance with ‘God’s perfect laws’ and our communities will continue to marginalize those with different sexual preferences, based on rigid interpretations of ancient texts and the example of an imperfect man from the 7th century.

5. “Let the decadent and hedonistic West accept gay rights and gay marriage. We must continue to hold onto the beliefs and practices of the prophet and his companions. Accepting homosexuality will ruin our societies”

We like to talk of the West as decadent and hedonistic, but we admire and enjoy the many advances that result from the scientific and social progress the West continues to make these days. Rarely do we give consideration to the factors driving this kind of progress.

Western societies are far from perfect. Still, can we consider the possibility that the West has made remarkable progress in the past few centuries and continues to do so by choosing scientific evidence over religious dogma, and embracing values like freedom and equality that make communities more inclusive and diverse over time? It is really no surprise, for when science has been valued and communities have been diverse and inclusive, societies have historically made great progress.

Muslim societies flourished in the past, for instance during the Abbasid caliphate, when we valued science and were comparatively more inclusive, in-cooperating elements of various cultures into our societies instead of rigidly following the practices of the time of the prophet.

By firmly holding onto the beliefs and practices of our 7th century ancestors these days, we are now holding our societies back.

It’s time we reconcile our beliefs and practices with scientific evidence and 21st century values such as individual freedom and equality, and let go of the beliefs and practices from the 7th century that don’t make sense anymore.

Only then will our communities be able to fully accept all those we have pushed aside for being ‘different’ and benefit from the contributions that each one of us can make when we are free to be ourselves. Rather than ruin our societies it will help our societies flourish once again.

Anake a nairobi

Spent whole Saturday recording Anake a Nairobi an its really cool though Njaci will always be my 1st…….

Anake A Nairobi Song

Promoting my Anake a nairobi track and I start with Mufasa Poet who blew me with his poem. His is super talented.

15 Signs that You’re Meant to Be Together

1. You tell him things you don’t tell anyone else. We don’t mean blurting something out when you’re emotionally unstable, but the desire to tell him intimate details about your life means you trust him — a major component of successful long-term love.

2. You let her see you in moments of weakness. It’s easy to be happy with someone when you’re feeling good about life. But what about when you’re not doing so well? Do you want to see her when you’ve been denied a raise, or your cat died, or you had a plain old bad day? She should be a comfort during tough times, not a burden.

3. You respect him. You don’t want to change the essence of who he is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life — he insists on wearing his favorite holey T-shirt, he eats sugar cereal for dinner, he still watches Saturday morning cartoons — but you like him, plain and simple.

4. You want him to meet your parents. You feel proud of him and you want to show him off — as opposed to feeling like you have to make excuses for him.

5. You can imagine a future together. You don’t have to practice writing your first name with his last name, but do you periodically let your mind wander to picture a life together? Is it amazing?

6. You’re not afraid to disagree with him. You know that even if you fight, he’ll listen to you and won’t brush you off. He takes you seriously, even when he thinks you’re wrong.

7. You want to work out your major differences. If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together — different opinions about religion, money, or something else — you want to work them out with him, and you believe you can come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you.

8. You laugh together. Laughter is one of life’s simplest pleasures — you should definitely be able to crack each other up.

9. You’re incredibly, utterly, surprisingly attracted to her. Physical chemistry is an undeniably important ingredient in a healthy relationship. And if she’s not a classic beauty or your usual “type”? Even more reason to think she’s the one.

10. It’s OK to be quiet around her. You don’t feel like you have to fill the space between you with chatter or other interaction. Instead, you feel an easy comfort.

11. You feel like yourself around him. You don’t feel like you have to edit your thoughts; you’re not self-conscious or anxious.

12. You need him the right amount. You long for him — but not too much. Some neediness is good, but too much breeds discontent.

13. You don’t feel too jealous. You’re comfortable with him going out with his friends — even female friends. You let each other have your own lives and hobbies.

14. You feel like she makes you a better person. She makes you feel smart, funny, attractive, creative — like the best version of yourself. You feel like she brings out and complements the best parts of you.

15. She just gets you. Sometimes it’s that easy. You feel like she understands some essential part of you that you can’t explain or articulate. It’s a warm, comfortable feeling — and one you should have with the person you marry.